Monday, May 25, 2009

love flawlessly

accept me flaws and all
see through this polished shell
accept me flaws and all
upon you, my beauty casts a spell

accept me flaws and all
love the deceit in my eyes
accept me flaws and all
know my brain is of no demise

accept me flaws and all
open your heart for me to love
accept me flaws and all
it is you that i set above

accept me flaws and all
feel the warmth of a delicate touch
accept me flaws and all
know that i adore you so very much

accept me flaws and all
some things emotions will always hide
accept me flaws and all
into a cosmic journey we shall glide

accept me flaws and all
to me you are more than true
accept me flaws and all
never doubt when i say i rather be with you

thats the least i can do

Today I had my Ipod on shuffle in my car and Destiny Child's Cater To You came on. Immediately, my mother said "Change that song. Nobody caters to men anymore". I stopped and thought to myself for a second, "why so bitter mom?" I decided to open up the topic for discussion during the car ride and asked why she felt it was unnecessary to cater to men. She went on the talk about how women no longer live that way and how men can do for themselves. True, right? But, I feel that nothings wrong with catering to your man. Cook, clean, back rubs. If he deserves it, he gets it. We, as women, expect guys to be chivalrous and open doors, walk us home, and fulfill our every demand. So why is it looked down upon when we're expected to return the favor? I've taken a few feminist theory based classes since I've been in college and I've come to realize that there are double standards held by a great deal of females. Women want to be treated well by their men and taken care of, but do not feel that its necessary to do the same. It's funny that my mom of a previous generation is against the idea of "taking care of your man" (for lack of better words) and I'm one hundred percent for it. Don't get me wrong, I'm no one's servant but I think it fine to do for your man. Its 2009, and I feel like a lot of us get so hung up on differing from previous generations and their ways that we lose sight of whats important. If you care for someone whats so wrong with making them happy? I wonder how other females feel and males chime in too. Leave your comments.

"fulfill your every desire, you're wish is my command. i want to cater to my man"


slowly stars go out each night
dark meets light, kiss the sun goodnight
new day comes, as if life just begun
you're now mine
and everytime you hold my hand,
theres an understanding of who i am
new life is born, unlike before
i'm now yours
you can feel it in the summer breeze
tonight, the world's at ease
you are the one for me
after all the waiting i can finally breathe
earth and sky say what they may
i will love you all throughout my days
happiness happens when our hearts combine
when its you i'm with i come alive
it's just so clear to see
darling, we're meant to be
your love is like amazing grace
sound so sweet i can almost taste
i've been given more than what i could ever ask for
i am yours

melissa polinar: meant to be
she puts into words exactly how i feel right now.

Saturday, May 23, 2009


Lately I have been in touch with mine. I've reached the point where I am ready to rawly place my feelings on display for all to see. I used to think of emotion in a negative sense; thinking that the display of emotion was a sign of weakness. Now I have reached point in which hiding my emotions is both impossible and unnecessary. I'm officially opening myself up to vulnerability because although it may be uncomfortable, I know it will be well worth it in the end. My constant repression of emotions to paint myself as perfect on the outside is something that I no longer want to practice. People always say you can't control the way you feel so no longer will I waste time trying to be in control. I'll "play tough as nails with my heart on my sleeve" from now on.


here is a poem that i found in my old sketch-book from 10th grade.

innocent and wide eyed,
i look into a chaotic and scattered world.
my world.
masked by beauty which glows,
tender and elegant on the outside,
customized to perfection.
worn and broken on the inside,
but yet i continue.
many dreams that one day
will come true.
i sit observing all there is to take in,
hoping someday that this masked world of mine,
will be uncovered and restored.
black and white,
so different and unconnected.
will the two ever unite in synchronization?
the white dominates the space around me,
but as many little pieces of me are exposed,
a true awareness of who i am is revealed.
the little speck,
which feels insignificant at times,
tucked away in the bottom right hand corner, shines.
i am aware of all,
sensitive to the fact that i still sit.
curiously waiting for change.

its about my experience at an all white school for 8 years.

where do we go from here?

Have you ever been stuck between the past and the future; that awkward moment when you're left wondering where do we go from here? That moment when the past was good, the presents great, and the future could be better. That moment that you desperately long for, but all the while fear moving towards because of the possibility that what occurs within the future could ruin what was so good about the past. Currently I find myself faced with one of these moments in which I want the better, but I am willing to be content with the good. Or am I? How do you know whether to be content with what you have or work towards achieving more? And is seeking that which is better worth risking the good? Or is life all about taking chances and having things pan out as they must?

Over the years I have come to realize that although I have control of a lot which happens within my life, my control is no comparison to the fate which guides us. Or is it faith? Either way, nature runs its course and I am just a small organism within a greater sphere working toward something beyond my control. Fear is a strong emotion and I fear failure thus, I live life hoping and wishing that my actions will be successful in preventing failure, but the more I look back on my countless efforts to prevent the heart-ache I am faced with upon failure, I realize that they are useless. Or are they? They say your gratitude determines your latitude so maybe all that I do is, in fact, worth something? But what is that something? The more I attempt to answer the questions of life, the more I am left with new unanswered questions that place me precisely back at the starting line. So again I ask where do we go from here?

p.s. i just realized that this post could be taken way out of context so never assume; just ask.

Friday, May 22, 2009

under construction

i am starting to dislike the direction in which my blog is going so i will be revamping it during the next couple of days. i want to do more writting about me and my life, rather than the news you're probably feed by every other media source. so, to all my dedicated readers, expect bigger and better things from me in the near future...

Thursday, May 21, 2009

i may not beat you in smash bros or hangtime...

but i could kick your ass in the FASHION WEEK video game thats set to come out next year!
the game was created to give people an "insiders view" on what takes place during fashion week...
the video game will include well known fashion gurus, celebrities, and models (so look out for me)...
it will be available for the iPhone and for Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony consoles so everyone get ready!

i can't wait! will be wasting time playing this game throughout the night...
i'm still unsure as to how to "play" exactly (do i make clothes, dress models, judge???)... either way i know it'll be FAB!

p.s. deep down inside i know this game will suck but i'll play anyways

Friday, May 15, 2009

auto push up

The "smart memory bra" is made with heat-sensitive foam. So when ladies become aroused and their body temperature rises, the bra pushes their boobs up. When they cool off, the foam relaxes and boobs retire to their normal resting place. Its makers say, "It’s healthier than an ordinary bra because it will always provide the perfect fit.” But what about the winter months?

via thecut

Thursday, May 14, 2009

trovata v. forever21


forever21... the store we all know and love could be facing a possible lawsuit for copyright infringement in clothing design. apparently... Trovata was the one to take Forever to court this week.

personally, after looking at the last 3 runway shows for Trovata, i see no comparison between their classy, fresh, and semi-prep styles and the garrbage that can be purchased at forever21 but... we'll see how this all pans out.

to-do list

here goes my random to-do list for this summer...

  1. buy and wear grey nail polish
  2. new car :D
  3. become official
  4. get back on top of my surfing game
  5. photoshoots like shit
  6. read Kaffir Boy and Black Boy again
  7. buy Hannah Montana movie on DVD and get her new album
  8. spend lots of quality time with him
  9. start to change my style... less girly, more edgy (we'll see how this goes)
  10. take care of my hair because it always gets damaged during the summer months
  11. take out that sick ass sewing machine i had to have and actually put it to use
  12. work on my singing skills
  13. tan, tan, and more tan
  14. learn how to bake my own pound cake
  15. wii fit while drunk
  16. kayaking lessons
  17. good concerts
  18. save money... instead of spending all that i have
  19. continue working out in the gym
  20. and plan for the best fashion show that will be taking place in fall 09

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

youda youda best.

smh at
  1. Drake on the radio... power 92.1 and 106.5 the beat to be specific. complete blasphemy.
  2. further more SMH at the fact that when they play "Best I Ever Had" they butcher the greatness of the song by replacing "you the fuckin best" with "youda youda best" [bahahhaha]

anyways... sometimes i find it hard for me to express exactly how i feel and what i think because it pulls me out of my comfort zone. to help cure this problem, i started up a blog so that i could put all of my wonderful thoughts into writing which is the easiest form of expression for me. recently, i have had brain overload due to a special someone who keeps my mind engaged and wondering ALL THE TIME... its all so hard for me to explain this amazing feeling i get thinking about this certain someone, but all i know is that its a wonderful feeling that i don't want to let go.
hopefully this post will help...

lately i've been smiling non-stop and everyone around me has noticed... i would like to attribute this partially to his wonderfulness ( in the words of Drake, "youda youda best")

this certain someone always asks me whats on my mind and i always have a hard time articulating everything... there is so much i want this person to know and so much i want to know in return.

pause... to avoid me having to keep typing certain someone, we will refer to this person as seinfeld.
ok, back to my blog post///

... Seinfeld is definitely someone special to me and thats why i'm always thinking about him. who else do you know that eats peas and applesauce mixed, loves Hannah Montana just as much as i do, and can school any and everyone on the basketball court???
sounds like a pretty amazing individual if i may say so myself...

  • is the best at making up jokes [insert all the sarcasm in the world]
  • makes the best chicken fajitas ever
  • always makes me smile
  • is the best wii fit partner ever
  • always suggests GOOD music for me to discover
  • and constantly keeps me wanting more ;-)

for a second, i had lost hope of creating a bond with someone who i was 100% satisfied with (emphasis on 100%) but Seinfeld has changed that

i lik3 how things are going between Seinfeld and I and I only hope that they continue to get better...

"no body can compare to you [boy] i swear, its only been a month but yet you're like my air. how can i ever breath if there is no air? for you i would give [a lot] just to let you know i care. they say don't settle down unless you think that [he] is the one. but you not in my life solidified is never fun." -Quest

just feeling like i'd rather be with you...

p.s. late night and that means one thing and one thing only... you on my mind.

ftw and ftl

  • so after viewing the many pictures that have surfaced of rihanna and cassie, i got this somewhat strange/somewhat brilliant idea to get a new, fun piercing... too bad i'm terrified of the pain and i probably wouldn't keep it long... just like my belly button, cartilage, and seconds holes that no longer exist. anyways... just a thought that will vanish from my mind as soon as i finish t y p i n g this sentence. :D
  • The Frog Princess: i heard about Disney working on their first animated film featuring a BLACK princess and i jumped for joy... i was a bit concerned at first about how she would be portrayed by Disney but after seeing the trailers on t.v. i must say that i'm pleased thus far... definitely going to check this out, after i see the freaking hannah montana movie thats been out forever lls.
  • mother's day was a success... my 2 younger sisters, older brother, and i cooked dinner for my mother, grandmother, and greatgrandmother (and i did MOST of the work) and everything turned out well, except that jerk chicken my brother made which was definitely for the loss but i think all the MOMMYS in my life enjoyed... especially my grand-grandmother who was sipping champaign (smh).
  • i love the fact that i failed all the tests in my cognitive psychology class, did okay on the final, and walked away with a C+ and what makes me even more happy is the fact that the rest of my grades are As and Bs... YAY ME!!! for studying and working hard and the place of torture also known as the University of Virginia.
  • because ANTM, The Hills, and Desperate Housewives have been disappointing me lately, I decided to watch Gossip Girls tonight and it was rather entertaining... plus the cast's outfits were so cute.
  • Ciara///if this chick doesn't stop swagger jacking the 2 baddest chicks in the game, Beyonce and Rihanna, i might scream... get your own style. theres nothing worse than a copy-cat and a weak imitation. every time i see her [well pictures and videos of her] i say to myself, "i definitely saw that same photo layout in a beyonce promotional ad or i definitely saw those types of shoes paired with a jacket like that on rihanna 2 weeks ago"
  • speaking of copy-cats, Bravo's new TV show "THE RUNWAY" is the worst... its a wanna be Project Runway that will never compare. the hosts suck, the designers are sub-par, and the models are questionable. just shaking my head at the lack of creativity out nowadays...
  • what is up with facebook and their desire to change and rearrange the website every three moments. its annoying.
  • its my new obsession but i'm disappointed at the lack of colored people on the site... i know plenty of stylish people of color so people starting showcasing your style.
  • hustle and flow is on MTV right now and this has got to be one of the worst movies ever.

Monday, May 11, 2009


word of the week.

one who spends an inordinate amount of time reading and talking about Swine Flu, Mexico, and border security.

example: That Swinerd can't stop talking about surgical mask stocks.

laugh out loud... thats definitely me. once i heard of a case of swine flu in Virginia i read everything i could find about the swine flu. and, i confess... i had my mask ready just in case. outrageous.

rumor has it...

Lauren London is 5 months pregnant with Lil Wayne's child...

Chris Brown didn't release those Rihanna pictures, but supposedly... Cassie, Rihanna, and J.Lo's nude pictures were all released from the same person (cough Diddy)...

Mike Tyson planned on killing Brad Pitt for stealing his girl 9supposedly he planned out the murder and everything)...

Ciara doesn't claim "fifty" as her man...

Swizz Beats plans on marrying Alicia Keys (i thought she was a lesbian)...

Jo Jo Simmons, Rev. Run's son, was arrested for buying drugs and fleeing from the police (smh)...

polyvore whore is definitely the best thing since..... well, ME. i love, love, love it. if you have an account, add me "toria malia"... now that i'm out of school i will be creating sets more often.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

happy mothers day

happy mother's day to the most wonderful mother in the world
excuse my mother's face, i was pinching her booty

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

my #1

this is dedicated to my number 1 reader... hope you enjoy babe!
p.s. its not all 25 moments... i couldn't handle all 25

just a bit of news...

Kate Moss is writing an autobiography: i just want to read about her battle with drugs.

Rumors flying around about Rihanna gracing an upcoming cover of Vogue: hopefully she won't be wearing that hideous space suit/tux she wore to the Met ball.

Victoria Beckham for new Armani underwear: guess shes following in the boo's footsteps.

Michelle Obama's dress at the Time 100 Gala was nothing less than the business: "fashion fades, but style remains"

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

the effing best

best dressed award for the 2009 Costume Institute Gala at the Met last night goes to Kanye and Amber.
other best dressed stars of the night...

chanel iman, anna jagodinska, sessilee lopez...

Sunday, May 3, 2009

yes and no

this weeks favs and not so favs....

  • done with second year therefore i'm halfway there. such a good feeling.
  • booked 3 shoots in one week... on the come-up, definitely ftw.
  • Mos Def banned the use of the N-word in his upcoming film, Next Day Air (which happens to be a black comedy so this is sorta a big deal.... love it)
  • the Met Gala tonight... can't wait to bring you news on what all the fashionistas were wearing
  • a black girl won playmate of the year! although her hair always looks terrible...
  • expressing feelings... natural high for the rest of the day :) i love when some one confirms what you already suspect. it makes life so much easier. [p.s. i know that you're reading this and i hope it makes you smile]
  • the rain. i was happy went it rained the first couple of days because it helped washed some of the pollen away so that i could function like a normal person but its supposed to be raining for the rest of the week and i'm not looking forward to it. sun please come back out, i want to play.
  • last nights episode of desperate housewives was a disappointment... 4 more episodes left in the season and thats all they could come up with. i thought for sure someone would get killed like always or some extra unexpected drama would go down but sadly, that wasn't the case.
  • moved out of my apartment and i have soooo much stuff to organize... especially the tons of laundry i have to do. definitely not fun but i'll get it done.
  • nas and kelis getting a divorce. so sad... i love them two together and i don't want them to part. what is the world coming to?
  • thinking about changing my style... less girly, more edgy. what do you think?

Friday, May 1, 2009

FTW word/acronym of the week:

FTW: for the win
An enthusiastic emphasis to the end of a comment, message, or post. Sometimes genuine, but often sarcastic.

example: triple over time, bulls v. celtics, FTW...

unfortunately i'm more

ftw: for the loseeee


why lord, why?